![]() People who say this are often looking to others to fill them up, which is an unrealistic expectation. This sort of sweeping romantic statement is more of a red flag than anything else, since it communicates an unhealthy understanding of love and the potential for codependency. You might be thinking, aw, that’s so sweet! But check yourself-the script of a positive real-life relationship shouldn’t read like a scene from Love Actually. Once a person has shown you their battle wounds and you purposefully hurt them more, it’s hard to regain that level of trust again.” Amen. Cook: “Never, ever, ever under any circumstance do you have a right to lift the flap and throw salt at your partner just because you’re hurting. If your partner weaponizes any of this privileged information, it’s a very bad sign. Emotional intimacy is a major part of a relationship, so chances are you’ve made yourself vulnerable by sharing insecurities, worries, or maybe even past trauma with your partner. “This is probably why your ex left you.”Īnother major rule of healthy partnerships (and common decency) is not to throw salt in someone’s wound. “Try not to keep me waiting for 20 minutes this time.” To stop their attack, try reflecting their feelings back to them by saying something like: “It sounds like you are trying to make me feel confused by calling me names. If your partner says this to you, know that they are likely projecting their own feelings onto you because they themselves are feeling out of control. If you think this sounds toxic, you’re right. It’s also an example of blocking or diverting, a key sign of gaslighting in a relationship. Contempt is best described as words or behaviors that “disrespect, mock… ridicule.” Per the experts, this type of negative communication is more extreme than run-of-the-mill criticism as it entails attacking a person’s character-not just their behavior-and is used as a means of assuming “a position of moral superiority”. (In other words, it’s a guaranteed relationship destroyer). This one is an example of contempt, which the relationship experts over at the Gottman Institute dub one of the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.
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